I Didn't Really Want That...

I find it interesting, the things I convince myself I need...be it an object or person.

And when that/they are taken away, I am able to live without them, only by convincing myself that I can't have it. I can't be with them/own that object; I am not allowed.

This is a tough mindset to put myself in. I have focused so much energy on needing it, desiring it, only to find the energy wasted. The rebuilding of my desires is no easy task...but I hate wasting time on undeserving people. I don't deem them undeserving, they do. The worst part follows: my slight (or not-so-slight) obsession with "what's not good for me" affects the judgement of my character. Perhaps that is why my thoughts are so closed off.

So. All of a sudden, this thing is no longer forbidden. And I have no concrete reason to put it in the back of my mind...it floats right to the top. Now deserving, now accesible. Though that is what I knew I needed, I was mistaken. The rebuilding of desires begins yet again. And I didn't really want that. I'm back where I started.