Thursday, May 19, 2011
Welcome to my newly discovered theme song! Leave it playing in the background as you read for maximum effect.
I mean really, what a killer video. I know! Let's film some girls chill dancin in front of psychedelic backdrops. Bada bing, bada boom, baby.
Is it possible to be on a self-awareness high? I keep thinking about that scene in American Beauty where the plastic bag is floating through the air and the voice over says that sometimes, the world is so beautiful, he aches. That is exactly how I feel. I've never even seen the full movie. But what an appropriately iconic scene.
I feel so great, I don't think I'm even conveying it properly in real life. I don't know if it's the summertime, or that I love driving, or that I love the radio, or that I love the sunshine, or that I love my family, or that I love my friends, or that I finally hammered the last nail in a boat full of memories that's sailing away, or that my tattoo is fantastic, or some combination thereof--but life is just flying right now.
I have so many thoughts and so much love for everything around me that I wonder if I'm accidentally prolonging some sort of hormone deficiency that depletes my cynicism.
I feel like I might bubble over.
Remember what I said about being ready to love someone? That someone (far far away in a land called the future) is gonna have to hang on to his hat... I don't think most are ready for the force of it. I think it stems from being excited to exhibit what I've learned. Like I've said, even some close friends don't actually want what they're getting themselves into. I don't know, maybe my zest is a euphemism for creepiness. Call it what you will, and then take it or leave it.
Scratch that. Just take it. :)
I just reread this post, and I sound like a crazy person. Haha!
Monday, May 16, 2011
I'm home now, but I miss this.
I said I'll move here when I graduate, and I wasn't joking!
You said you would, too, and you were joking, but I really would meet you there.
It's too beautiful an opportunity for me to live without.
Sort of like some friendships.
I realized today, with great force, that I could easily love someone. Well, that I'd known. That wasn't the realization. The realization was that I could not easily be loved. Not that I'm impossible to love... I just wouldn't know what to do with it.
In fact, I don't even want to think about it anymore. It's 4AM, and this is my subconscious talking. Sorry, buddies. You wait ten days for an update and have to settle for this. The thing is that sometimes real life is updating too quickly for me to translate my reactions into cyberlife updates. What matters is this:
I'm home. in the place I call home for now.
I've returned to the people I love and have many slots open in that category.
I thank God for the aforementioned facts.
YOU are loved!
Posted by Lucy Doughty at 3:52 AM