Friday, January 6, 2012

One Giant Episode

this is what I feel like: {...............................}

Life might feel a whole lot less like one giant episode of My So-Called Life if I didn't suspect an anxiety disorder. I wonder if Claire Danes ever blamed her chemistry with Jordan Catalano on her brain chemistry. What an intense-yet-vague thing to blame. Pretty convenient. Less so when it's potentially true.

Those are pretty loaded (not to mention 21st century) words--"anxiety disorder." So are "weak" and "crazy," which is what the first two make me feel like.

I'm not really sure if anyone's taking me seriously about it. Which might be for the best, considering it balances out the seriousness I afford it, though it never feels best in the throes of an..."episode"? What do crazy people call bouts of crazy? Maybe I'm doing something wrong. Maybe I don't drink enough green tea. Maybe I breathe through my nose too infrequently. Maybe I lost myself in a pothole thirty-three lightyears ago and now blindly revert to....

I don't know. I can't find any words. I can't find much