Friday, December 3, 2010

Just warn me when forever starts to end

Hey, this posting-every-day thing is growing on me. Like a period on the end of a web-surfing sentence as I head off to bed. You know I found a relatable image to share:

Eh, that's a text. Whatevs. Also, I'm only about 12% heart at this point. I read this post today about a friend of a friend who can't help but dream, can't help but imagine what could be out of what seems as though it shouldn't have been. He can't help but extend an inkling into forever. All my coping mechanism inklings are extending into forever, which will lead to coping forever. No, not coping. After a certain point, the coping will be over. A new forever is running in my direction.

I'm going to go write in Central Park on Sunday! Expect pictures and an actual piece! Hold me to it!

Student blip: got an A- on a project that's worth 20% of my grade in a class I have a C in :) that's a happy feeling.

Now here's a picture:

Cheers, all.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Veddy Interesting


I've been watching some Woody Allen movies. I wrote a review of Manhattan; I really enjoyed it. I'd always heard of Woody Allen but never actually watched his works. It only took watching one more (Hannah and Her Sisters) to realize how transparent Allen is. He's a talented movie machine, but he's transparent. His movies center, from what I can tell, around justifying man's inability to defy his own whims. Allen's personal life seems to be whim-coated... I've never heard of another man who married the adopted daughter of his girlfriend of twelve years. Says his 23-year-old son, Ronan Farrow: "He's my father married to my sister. That makes me his son and his brother-in-law. That is such a moral transgression. I cannot see him. I cannot have a relationship with my father and be morally consistent...."

“The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to those things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that," said Allen.
Allen's movies' relationships are plagued with extramarital affairs and disconcerting age differences. He portrays people as having no control over who they love. That's preposterous.

Years ago I heard someone say "love is a choice." Oh! It was an older couple on Oprah. She asked them how they'd stayed in love for so long, and they said that every night, they'd write each other a letter about what about their spouse they were thankful for that day. Both said the letters were easier to write some days than others, which makes total sense. But no matter what, days full of tension and conflict ended in letters of genuine gratitude.

This reminds me of Ephesians 4:26: "Do not let the sun go down on your anger." An Anonymous offered "Happiness is a choice." Emotions are controllable. Okay, perhaps not controllable, but it's choice that transforms anger into contentment and distaste into love. It's the choices people are unwilling to make that limit our emotions. Heck, there are hundreds of choices I am unwilling to make. There are people who will always provoke that facial expression many of you know and love... and I don't care to change my opinion of many of them.

I've spoken with many friends about their discouragement concerning "not being able to help who they love." I don't know how to convince them that what they're experiencing is a lack of will. In the same way that loving a spouse and expressing that love for them is a choice the opposite spouse makes, an unfaithful spouse chooses to refrain from using self control and discernment.

This is a difficult claim to make because so many people marry people they shouldn't have married in the first place. All I'm saying is that marriages that work forever work forever because both people chose to love. I understand "marriage takes work" is not a new idea. Controlling love isn't even a new idea. But not many people have it.

Ideal love doesn't feel like a choice. Ideal love requires no self control. Ideal love is temporary. But the permanent stuff--yep, I'm going there--is worth working for.


"One last chance
to say goodbye,
no I-love-yous hanging
on our lips
like bad weeks of the year."

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Up and Up

first of all: HAHAH^

second of all: lots of uncertainty in my head

third of all: today has been a good day.
that's gonna happen more often.

D: God is good God is good God is good!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Curses and Blessings

I could not possibly say all I've been thinking right now. My mind is a whirlpool. Cess pool, maybe.

Here's a snippet: I see what God's doing by removing control from me. He's making me squirm and retraining where I turn. I've prayed more and trusted more and gleaned more wisdom in the past week than in the rest of my life combined. Now the name of the game is to fend off spiritual warfare and resentment when I ask God for peace and don't find any. I always used to find it there.

I know he knows what's best for me, and I trust that that will be revealed to me in my lifetime.

I wish I could peek into what's best for me and rest assured that it's the same thing I yearn for.

I wish I could control what I yearn for. I can't control it, but I do think it's changing.

If you're reading this--hello.
If you're not--well that's exactly the thing I'm supposed to get used to now, huh.

God is good God is good God is good. Say it with me: God is good God is good God is good...