don't lose yourself/buh duh buh bum

Guess what? I'm on a Facebook hiatus! It feels really good. Partly because it makes me feel a bit anxious, and that dependence is exactly what I want to get rid of. I also don't need to tell people so much about myself in this season of my life. I don't like people having more access to me than they offer to themselves.

And, in hindsight, a word to the wise: do yourself a favor and set aside some of your favorite music in a category exempt from dedication. I wish more of my favorite songs could maintain their favoriteness, but I already shot that hope in the foot. Oh well.

RE: "Sure, we can grow used to being alone. But we're not supposed to." Not supposed to, no--but when prompted, beginning the process is pretty refreshing. And if you begin to lose yourself, God knows where you are. AND, as a special little parallel, if you give Him access to your information, He'll give you access to His. Isn't that spectacular?

Cheers!

P.S. Guess what else is spectacular? http://stephenbaker.wordpress.com/'s author (Stephen Baker...) is coming to visit me! With his esteemed friend/partner in crime/brother Peyton! See, December is a great month for more reasons than Christmas. :]

Happy Halloween, Weenies

"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about

but few have seen."

- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

***

Brother and me, Halloween circa 1996

Sister, me, and brother, Halloween 1997

three words that became easy to say

Window Seat

I have never been quite this aware of humanity's supernatural desire for connection and companionship. Even the way I'm telling you this is evidence of it. Yaaay irony!

Sure, we can grow used to being alone. But we're not supposed to.

***

I sleep above 33rd and Broadway, napping while commuters trade their walking flats for working heels and tourists buy tickets to the top of The World's Most Famous Office Building.

[can you believe it actually says that in the lobby?]

***

No worries, mate

[I feel like this sometimes. But that's okay. I don't think people should avoid sadness so much.]

We're Gon' Teach Them to Fly

Happy October 15th, bug.

Mumford & Me

*first, a shout out to my dear Molly, whose name I drop as often as I hear Mumford & Sons raved about. :)

"But you and I now, we can be alright
Just hold on to what we know is true
You and I now, ‘though it’s cold inside
Can feel the tide turning

He can't tell what it’s about
So he runs up to the nearest girl
And he comments on her glorious curls
Says darling come with me
I'll show you a whole new world"

***

"And my head told my heart
'Let love grow'
But my heart told my head
'This time no'
This time no"

That last chunk is quoted pretty often because it's pretty relatable. The whole head v. heart battle is universal. The sensation I've been....sensing, however, is that my heart is willing, and my head is not. I don't know how I went from knowing I find myself in love so knowing I don't need love to find myself, but it's a very strong distinction that I can't fight. I've chalked it up to "being in a new phase of my life," but the strings attached to that are invisible. I never expected this phase to be so...solitary. I was happy when I was in love, ecstatic and sure and glowy and effervescent and confident and optimistic. I am still some of those things. Even the "in love" is on the table. But the table has wobbly legs. Didn't I take the right preventative measures? Isn't my heart supposed to be stronger than my head?

I take solace in the fact that God is stronger than my head and my heart. And my overanalyzing and my doubt and my worry and my fear and my solitude.

Solitude.

***

"The question I would have liked to ask people is 'Are you in love? What are you reading?'"

Cheers, darlings. And feel free to answer those questions.