I Chase You

I just chatted with God in frustration about how often it feels like every relationship I have is as good as it is because of the ferocity with which I go after it.

And I asked, "What is it about my life that has me doing all of the chasing, all of the time?"

And, as you might imagine, I heard in an instant:

"I chase you."

And you know... since we're being honest here...

I really wish that were enough.

But I know He understands. He created me with the need for fellowship, community, companionship... it is Him in me that chases people.

And on a good day, that angle is enough, because on a good day, all I want to do is exhibit Him in me.

But on those bad days, I translate my obedience to Him in me into entitlement to relationships that chase me. And I'm being pretty unforgiving, because Molly and my family chase me more than I deserve. But when it comes to fresh relationships, I start to wonder what my prioritizing them over them prioritizing me says about my life.

All that to say, I trust God completely. I am ecstatic about what's to come, and I've missed this version of myself. I know it is only a matter of time until I partner with someone who actually goes after me for a change, and I'm in no rush to find him.

In fact, I'm in no rush to do anything at all.

Including go to sleep, apparently.
Toodle-oo, darlings. Toodle-oo.

[how the hey do you spell toodle-oo]