Lord, save me!

I'm uh, pretty fundamentally lonely, and I'm not used to being this lonely for this long, and I don't like the idea of getting used to it, so I kind of refuse to, but that won't change anything.

I used to simultaneously pity and wonder about lonely people. Why didn't they just make themselves unlonely? That's back when being around people was the same to me as being unlonely.

I'm trying to recognize the God aspect, as always. That God likes the idea of me learning how to not depend on people, but on Him. Except I don't think He likes the idea of that. So as a result of my constant and unanswered prayer for consistently substantive relationships, I grow resentful. I once had a word spoken over me--that my faithfulness would be recognized. I didn't even think I reflected faithfulness worth recognizing, but that word encouraged me. It's the "would" that gnaws at me. My trust in God does not diminish, and so I'm drawn to believe that what's best for me is either loneliness or will grow out of loneliness. And I suppose that's fine.

I am officially a fringe person. People let me know about things after they let what I like to call their "go-to" person know. The transition from "go-to" to "fringe" is an unsettling one.

But hey. I'm here to walk on water.

I wonder what Peter did when he felt lonely.