The Little Red Car

Her favorite streets are the twisty ones. Only there does she feel in control. They're lined with beautiful homes; these homes have personality. She can feel the memories. One day she'll own one of those houses. Other's memories are no good to her.

She fell in love with this car on sight. It surprised her, that true love. She would take care of this car, and it would take care of her. She would learn how to master its quirks, and it would learn how to take her where she needed to be. It was a security she had never known. She chose to disregard that it had come to her in a piece of machinery...the people could follow along.

Her father doesn't like the car. It's a two-seater, and that's not safe. But it's beautiful, this car, and that is what she told him. She earned the money, she negotiated the deal. He wanted no part in it, and that's the way it happened. He argues his part was the weekly driving tutorials. Well then, Dad, be proud of me in my little red car. Your skills are driving it. And don't worry, Dad. I'll be just fine.

That car is her escape. It keeps her sane. No amount of drama, pressure, or guilt-trips can keep her away from the road. One day, she says, one day I will drive my little red car and never come back. Never look back.

It Will Be Alright

sweetheart, I love you
you are beautiful
there is nothing I want more
than to wrap you in my arms
and tell you I will never go

sweetheart, you are worthy
of anybody's love
everybody's love
His love
you are made new

sweetheart, don't cry
tell me all your fears
I will fight them for you
when you are weak
I will be strong for you

sweetheart, it will be alright
the brokenness will break
the wounds will heal
this cruel world
will leave you alone

Rant of the Day

It is a shame that one bad teacher can turn someone off to an entire subject. It happens frequently, I know. But it shouldn't. Some people aren't natural teachers and no amount of education can instill that.

I propose a survey. Who is your least-favorite teacher? If answers overlap, find out why and either fix it or change it. Heck. I'd do it myself.

Lucidity Pt. II

Okay I'll answer myself. Apparently (thank you katie), the eye-opening thing could have something to do with trying to open my eyes in real life. The only discrepancy, then, is the reason for the real life eye-opening. I wouldn't be complaining if this wasn't interrupting dreams I would like to see. I have gotten fairly good at pulling myself out of a bad dream; this is done once it is lucid. These occurrences have only happened non-lucidly (word? sure why not.) and mess with the "neurological" story line. Ah well. It is, after all, only a dream. I apologize for the dullness of this topic...I report interesting things as they happen. Lately? Hm. No.

Lucidity

I've been wondering about this for a while, particularly whether or not it's an exclusive experience:

Every single dream I've ever had (remembered) has involved me in some way. I am not watching myself interact, but interacting and seeing it through my own eyes. On quite a few occasions, my "character's" eyes will become blurry and handicap the visibility of the rest of the dream. Not only are they blurry, but I can't keep them open. Not yet is the dream lucid. Consequently, I "think" I'm blind, unexplainably tired, or going crazy.

I once proposed to a professor speaking on dreams that this was a trigger my brain created to help me realize the dream. In other words, a lucidity trigger. He argued that the very definition of lucid is to know one is having a dream. It is contradictory, then, to say my brain knows it is a dream while I do not. How could this even happen? Well. Perhaps through the development of childhood perceptions, I have always thought my mind and brain to be separate entities. Since that psych class, I've seen them as one; the mind being a result of neurological firings. Easier to understand, yes, as well as easier to believe. I have not fully come to this realization, as the validity of my beliefs has never been a major concern. Nevertheless, I understood the professor and began to question this characteristic further as it became more prominent.

The professor did not have a good explanation for these happenings, as they are so person-specific. It didn't help either that I had such a difficult time explaining them. He dismissed the question, perhaps thinking it unworthy of other students' learning time. How unfortunate.

So. Any thoughts? Any questions? Is it a result of shaken sleep patterns? A brain's cue provoking awakening? ..Am I crazy?

Happy Easter

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay."

Matthew 28:5-6

Artist's Eternity

let me paint you a picture
a picture of you
sit still
this will take time

i don't need your colors
black and white treats you well
no distractions
raw emotion

your family will frame this, you know
you want to look like that?
no, no
tilt your head, hand to chin

there
no, no speaking
i am concentrating
on capturing everything you are

everything you will be
portraits span decades
centuries, even
you will live forever