Thursday, May 31, 2012

Morsels

sometimes I catch myself trying to force thoughts into status-sized morsels, and then I remember that's what this is for.

I just want... so many experiences. adventures. destinations. the rearview mirror. I always want to go. to go and be gone.

and some day I may want roots, an anchor, lead feet, down payments...

and some days I want to love somebody, more than I want to be loved, though I refuse to invest the first without affirmation of the latter, and it strikes me today that I'd rather the gypsy adventure than the adventure in love. that one I've tried.

it strikes me today that I dread salesmanship for the same reason any stretch of time without a transition in sight makes my skin feel four sizes too small: fear of rejection.

no one leaves you if you leave first.

unoriginal and straightforward. nothing to dissect and nothing to wonder. but it's there, and it's true.

and the parallel causes me a bit of pain, somewhere southeast of my heart, as though my abdomen maps the country and Georgia throbs with the stagnance of overripe produce.

perhaps tattoos, for me, are a manifestation of this pain.

I hate to run, but I love to run away, and I crave the out-of-breath feeling--the one that arriving in a new place borrows from exercise, the addictive cocktail of discomfort and adrenaline--I crave it every moment it's gone.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Move to Seattle with me. Done. Call me.

-Lea

Molly said...

One moment I feel the excitement of living across the county can bring, the next I want to be settled in, with kids and a dog, feeling satisfied with myself and with my life.
I think the on and off sensation, of one extreme to next, is built up from the undeniable sense of trying to relate myself and see myself as someone in the world.
But I have to be reminded that as many times as I stumble into nonsense and question my motives in things, that at the end of the tunnel, there is God; smiling, nodding and kindly whispering " I know you, but do you know me enough to know yourself?"
Adventure is a symptom of passion.
Its okay to change our minds and run to the left and then after a long journey decide to go the right.
Thats what rest stops are for anyways.
love u lu

Anonymous said...

Sorry i have not commented till now, i have been reading your blog for a whilst now though. It has become part of my morning routine.