Stupid Eve

If the world hadn't fallen, would broccoli taste like donuts?

>.<

thank you, readers, for watching my heart break and heal

I'm sure I don't know of all of you, but knowing you were there when he wasn't was extreme solace.

we did it!

this is all of us in our colorful little houses as morning greets the sea. we turn our lights on to better see each other wave to the waves. to better see each other welcome the sun.

"Nevermind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too."

--Adele

Rollin', Rollin'

"Finally, I can see you crystal clear...
...Don't underestimate the things that I will do.

The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,

We could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside your hands,
And you played it to the beat."

--Adele, "Rolling in the Deep"

Oh, Adele. You're my favorite artist to steam milk to.

Also, I like the strength that comes with vulnerability. I like that I can reflect on what I've felt without actually feeling it. I like that I've put enough distance between my past and me that I can actually consider it a past.

It's passed.

Duct Tape: A Conscious Stream

sometimes there are those moments, you know

the ones where I stop laughing for a moment

and remember that my heart is

[while not completely broken]

still cracked.

and I resent that those moments are attached

to being attached

because all I've worked to do

is loosen the shackles.

and God knows I'm free.

and I think it's in the veins of the human condition, you know

being wounded.

the human condition is humans

examining their condition

their wounded condition

and happiness

happiness happens

when that exam yields smiles.

when that exam yields sun

shade

spades

spring

sing

when that exam yields relationships with those who examine

those who piece together your shards of glass house

when you're sick of braving cuts.

the human condition is meeting those who come equipped

with hazmat suits

rubber gloves

duct tape.

Crabbing

Heya, playa!

I am mostly through with my Spring Break. Philadelphia and Boston were fun. The most fun was always knowing that I was in the middle of a plan that I helped create and make work. I feel older and older every day--older in a way that matters. Not older in a way that floats on by, the way we understand that a current carries debris. I'm floating along this current of time in a way that makes me wish the shore were closer. I reach for the coast, simultaneously calling out in fear and saluting with a grin. I am on the fast track to my own life. It's a leeeeeetle too fast. But it's my own life.

Today was my birthday. It had ups and downs. I was disappointed about as often as I expected, and happily surprised more often than I expected. I wished I were home, and I was glad that I got to spend one away from home, just to see what it's like. I guess that's what this brain developing stage is like... doing things just to see what they're like. Responsibly, of course. For me, at least.

This was the first birthday in five years that I didn't hear from Andrew on. Those five years, from here on out, will become a smaller and smaller percentage of my life.

I think I'm excited to get a tattoo because I'm excited to put a feeling to the pain I've grown used to. The slight, refreshing pain of a salty breeze along an open wound. The breeze means I'm on the water, but the open wound means I've been hurt. If it weren't for the open wound, I wouldn't find my place on the water such a priority, for I wouldn't demand its healing properties.

I'll trade perfect health for my place on the water.

The next dilemma: to build or not to build a home on this waterfront?

No matter what, I'll need vacation homes elsewhere.

Zzzzz

I am exhausted.

Showing a friend the entire city in one week alongside regular school and work schedules is a non-stop ride.

Whew.

I get tomorrow to myself (well, alongside friends in Prospect Park) since my roommates went home, and it's a bittersweet feeling. I do really wish I'd just gone home. But I'm going to Philadelphia and Boston for the first time, and I don't know when I would have if I didn't now. I'm really excited. I love that I had the money for bus tickets, and I just bought them and had two trips on my radar. New York is good for that.

I have a lot of thoughts and things to say, but my eyes are melting into eyelids right now.

In light of the Japanese crisis and the attack on Libya, I hope this finds you praying and well.

Happy spring, bugs.

Word Association

overwhelming calm.

annoying html code space.

hyper aware.

Bryant Park.

Tribute Blend.

mash-ups.

sleep shirts.

traveling dreams.

blooming ambition.

long hair.

Betsy Bender!

double feature.

peanut butter.

Christmas lights.

brain development.

charismatic tradition.

body ink.

mental snapshot.

blood brothers.

bright lights.

coming home.