Is That Alright, Yeah

Warning: Uncertain, angsty, love-ridden, midnight-produced musings to follow.

I spend a lot of time planning my independence, which makes me feel like I've been inwardly independent for some time now.

I'm trying not to plan so much and to pray more. Mostly because worrying as much as I've let myself is not healthy. Plus I trust God more than I do me, which is always a good place to be in.

If I spend enough time away from someone, I can usually convince myself that I don't miss them anymore. After a while, I remember why I feel so helpless.

New favorite song: "Details In the Fabric" by Jason Mraz.

Maybe someday I'll meet someone who would write a song for me.

I place myself on a lower tier than the beauty I find all around me. Maybe that's how I assure that I'll always humbly work towards beauty and appreciate what's naturally beautiful.

I've created a playlist that will get me through heartbreak. Jeez, I hope it will.

I got really close this one day to deciding that I have the ability to let go of my heart and let it feel what it feels, as deep as it can. I felt as though I was knowingly throwing it off of a cliff. I reined it back in.

and the world was it's own psychoanalyst

Where do you find your therapy?

Are you able to self-analyze but not dwell,
introvert but not shut out?

Or rather, are you able to look at your actions, your problems, your vices and shortcomings, and understand their origin? Their purpose?

Do you always need a second opinion?

What would you do if you were alone?

...not that you ever should be. But. While echoing Donald Miller's conviction that "we are not wired to be alone," I also mean to wonder, concerning dependence, how much is too much. At what point does companionship hamper our ability to know ourselves?

By this I speak less of restricting time spent with or time invested in others than I do of harping upon the need for an underlying and unrelenting sense of self. The time it takes to find yourself also depends. The rub is that it's losable and, based on outside influence, always in danger. I've found one that I mean to hold on to. Sometimes I worry that it strongly affects the way I handle others' pleas for input.

This is the reason we all must learn to stand alone. Perhaps the only time we choose to be will exist in the late hours before sleep, or during the fitness walks around the neighborhood. But needing others to judge your decisions before you can for yourself is ultimately detrimental.

This said, I don't mean to judge how any person spends their time.

Only to judge any person on the self-determined Path to Self that chooses never to walk it alone.