I wish I had the clarity to write more than stream-of-consciousness.

"In this state I shall not remain."

Not only does it rain on the just and unjust alike,
it rains on the Swiss and Australian alike,
the coal miners and CEOs.
And I can't know for sure because I was not in both places at once,
but I'm pretty sure the rain is bigger in North Carolina.
Bullet big.

I like being awake and alone until the playlist reminds me of how alone I could not be.

I'm building things by myself, and that's why they're falling apart. My brothers and sisters in Christ imagine my place in the kingdom to be crucial. In the depths of my psyche, from my tailbone to my toes -- I can feel the same thing. We're all crucial. But on the end of my cruciality I still tag "eventually." And I pray. And I pray and I pray. And I listen. And I smile.

Sunday Secrets

***

I love the rain. I'm pretty sure my Perfect Day includes it.

That day may or may not include a wedding.

After seeing quite a few, it seems as though a wedding would complete the Day I Planned As Perfect.

My Perfect Day requires no planning.

Yearning to Feel

It's one thirty in the morning
Pouring down rain
I unlocked my front door
Stepped off the stair
And soaked in it
I felt connected to each drop
I held out my hands
Bent back my head
And cried.
Where the rain stopped
And the tears began
I could not tell.
Headlights approached and
I learned that vulnerability
Is still a stranger
I turned away
Looked inside
Then back to the street
Opened the door
Dried my tears
But not my hair
Or tank top
Here I sit, shivering
Yearning to feel the rain

Come and Pass

No, yesterday wasn't my best. That's a pretty good summary. I got through it though, as you said I would.

I find only posting the Good dishonest. Good and Bad are very close friends, I've found. I experience both, and readers should know of both.

So it goes.

Yesterday I went to the library and introduced myself to Vonnegut. Slaughterhouse Five is the victim of my choice book report. The weather was perfect. I could feel the rain in the air, but the sun broke through. It was cool and quiet. I felt a sense of calm that should only be accompanied by...rows and rows and rows of my next favorite book. That's an exaggeration -- some I would never read. I wonder, though, how many life-changing books I walked right past. Plenty, I just know it. I'm not too disappointed. All I've got is time.

I gotta get ready for school...and that I don't have time to vent about.

I'm okay. Are you okay?

Happy Friday, everyone. This should be a good day.

Recharge

"they don't know my head is a mess"

Writer's block is a mean thing, simply put. So many thoughts running around but no way to set them free. My thoughts run away from me. They offer seconds of solace and move on. I am not at a loss for words, but ideas.

I need a mental revolution. A recharge. I need to stray from the norm. Did you know the people I see every day blend together? Everything does. Did you know I cry every day? Neither did I. Did you know I haven't written a poem in weeks?

Believe it or not, I am spiritually strong. Unusually so. Spiritual strength can cause both of these: a newfound look at life, and a sadness for what we come back to. That's a sad thing. Oh well. I know how to be sad.

Today I wished it would rain. There's a good thing..it did rain. Rain is sweetly depressing. It can be gentle or strong, always cleaning, always gray, always wet. Yes. Rain is always wet. I can lean on that.

It stopped too soon. I wanted to jump up and down in the rain, in the horrendous rain. It reminds me of myself. I wanted to soak in silence.

I need to sleep. I need to read. I need a hug, probably. I don't want one. I want to shiver, to burn. I want to smile. Please don't tell me to smile.

I'm sorry, I'm going nowhere with this. Go and read something happy.