Good Riddance

Okay here's the deal. It's not that I was ever in denial about how fast time goes by. I just didn't like to hear people who felt they knew better tell me that that is the case.

Now it's all I can do to stop myself from shouting to children waiting at bus stops: YOU DON'T CARE NOW, BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET THIS TIME BACK! DON'T WASTE IT!

This is how I feel: :(( :O :D :/ :* :?@#$^!($@)#%$($%(@ughhhhh

I don't know what time I wasted, but it had to have been somewhere. I rely on time's consistency, but good riddance, folks. Why do last weeks in town fly as swiftly as lunch breaks?

And you know, I don't expect this to be the most intense transition I will make. It's the first wave of depressedexcitement, and I'm holding on for dear life. Dear, dear life.

W 34th St, New York, NY, 10001

Hi there! Sorry I've been MIA. I work a lot and I sleep a lot and I think a lot about how I have to pack no more than one fits in one third of a 500 square foot apartment. I leave for New York City two weeks from yesterday, but hey. Blogs are interstates of their own. Information interstates. Oooooh.

For the readers who don't know, I'm going to The King's College in Manhattan. Wikipedia it; the article's nice :)

I promise I will semi-regularly enter my thoughts in this forum. I might even start a new one about Starbucks work experiences. What do you think?

Peace,

lucy

Supraconscious

summer means love and falling in love while being in love, love, and wondering which way the love falls. lower case letters and mix CDs, Julie's 80s Mix in the drive thru trash, a stack of cassettes tattooed on a hip. the empire state building, ESB to you, drawn smaller than life up the bones where you breathe. JET, LCD, ESB, ATL, NYC, life is so acronymical. sound out each letter, baby Lucy, C-A-T. don't say the whole word, blue collar worker, you'll run out of time. syllables correlate with inefficiency, Mr., you'd best spit it out. they'll know what you mean.

what do you mean? to whom do you trust your future? your safety, your security blanket, your excursion into post-curfew hours, your Excursion in the fast lane. Life in the Fast Lane? move over, Sparky. my radar detector detects no such thing. no lights, no sirens. no brakes, no fakes. the only siren I know boasts a cup of Anniversary Blend, spins around a lightning rod, spins around my 401K. and 401 K to go before you sleep. and 401 K to go before you sleep.

take a deep breath in, out. in, out. see? piece of cake. it heals in time. the number one rule?

exactly! I see you've been paying attention.

Edges

Earlier than the sun she wakes to his elbow between her ribs. His edges sleepwalk like her mind--panic attacks manifest only in recurring nightmares. Dry eyes scan the ceiling, forbidding a glance at the bedside table. She overrides their conviction and observes a clock's top right corner enclosed by two black arrows. She appreciates his shape rising and falling next to her but no longer craves it. If only, she muses, everything were as concrete as time.

Inclement

single-passenger umbrellas fill the streets as rain does,
grates absorbing the storm and filth,
sleeves absorbing the weight.
it's not moisture they fight, but gravity
willing the clouds instead to swell
gray, full, stoic
as though with the silent
pride and thick
ambition
city dreams require.
'Be nice to everyone, for each fights a battle'
or something like that.
cabs carry two
one driving, one paying
yet tonight
as one
we battle the rain.

Hush

All along the western front, the ringtones and blingtones screamed from the spires. "I can see you and be you," they cried. "Be me?" I inquired. "What am I to be while you are me? If my eyes are to be free, should they see you being me? Am I to bleed into the sea so the you that's me can be?"

They shrugged.

***

Tears are tributaries. Cheeks the basins, sorrow the sea. Droughts are signs of good times, then, but what are the fish to breathe?

***

I love you, Great Grandma Bebe. I will miss your soft words and humor, you calling me precious, you smiling as we walked in the door. Please forgive me for not being there once you didn't know whether to smile. Internet spans the nations, right? And the heavens, I believe. You will see this somehow, or feel it straight from me, as I will feel you for the rest of my life.

Hey Kids

I haven't written in ages. Maybe that's why my back hurts.

Recent thoughts for those who wonder why I never post them:
1) I hope I pass my driver's license test next Thursday
2) My siblings and I are growing up to be really cool people
3) I love that feeling when you first meet a friend and have a gut feeling that you'll be each other's support system for a long time coming. I love the ambiguity and anticipation in that feeling even more than I love the security in knowing that they feel the same about you. Must be the dose of gambler's adrenaline in my veins.
4) Poker is fun
5) I'm going to be on my complete own in the capital of the world, and I'm not nervous about it. Though I can't tell if understanding that you think I would be means I actually am....
6) I have a sinking feeling that I'll never get around to seeing very much of the world. Seriously, it gnaws at me.
7) I need to stop priding myself on being a ray of reality in people's lives and start focusing on becoming a ray of sunshine.

Sunshine is real, after all.